There’s a man outside my window, knock knock knocking. I don’t know who he is and I’m not sure who I am. Fear is keeping me on the floor, locking the door. Feeling myself go crazy once more. Tick tick tick goes the clock, not enough tocks, not enough tocks, not enough tocks. I used to run, I used to shout, I used to dance about. What happened to that in the darkness of the night, what happened to that? Play pretend in the daylight and play dead in your dreams. What does it all mean, what does it all mean, what do all the full stops mean? Let me sip some medication until I can’t feel anymore. Let me drown and sing the blues on the ocean floor. Let the sea be blue from sadness of all the things that once were. Let blood fill cracks that never show, never heal, let lips seal against all the emotions we wish we wouldn’t feel. For agony is an emotion meant to be felt, not something to be dissected and spelt out.